


seasons of love

by yallaintsuna



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, Internalized Aphobia, M/M, aroace osamu, oblivious osamu, part two is just angst if you don't want that then don't read it, pining suna
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-02
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:27:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27345811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yallaintsuna/pseuds/yallaintsuna
Summary: Suna hates fall, but his friendship with Osamu is the one saving grace in it. Osamu hates spring, but his relationship with Suna might be the most dreaded part of it all.
Relationships: Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Kudos: 13
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	1. Fall

**Author's Note:**

> This is part of day 1 tier 3 of Haikyuu angst week 2020 "When did it all change?"
> 
> TW // internalized aphobia
> 
> This is for everyone that didn't read the tags: this is very angsty in the second part so like this is your official warning

Suna didn’t like the fall. Fall was when everyone got much more focused on volleyball and expected him to stop slacking during practice. Fall was when eating chuppets became less enjoyable because ice pops in the cold hurt his teeth. Fall was when the days became shorter and chillier, and Suna hated it.

But fall was also when it became too windy to even consider eating lunch outside, so he was excused to eat alone with Osamu. Together, they’d sit in the back corner of their classroom, stuck in their own little bubble. So maybe fall wasn’t as bad as Suna initially thought.

Today was no different than any other day this week, except that Suna had overslept this morning and didn’t have enough time to pack himself a lunch. At least the vending machines were fully stocked so he could survive off of a cup of instant ramen until the end of the day. As Suna sat back down at his desk, Osamu scrunched his face at the other’s lunch choice. “Cmon Suna, that can’t be all ya eat today.”

He looked down blankly at his small styrofoam cup. Sure, it wasn’t the most filling or tastiest thing he’d ever had, but considering his options, Suna wasn’t about to turn his nose up at it. “Not all of us can have perfectly made bentos every day, you know?”

They both turn to look down at Osamu’s impressively handcrafted bento. It was obvious the amount of care and time that he had put into something as simple as his lunch. But it just went to show how much Osamu cares about his cooking. While Suna admired the passion that Osamu had for food, he was slightly envious because Suna couldn’t think of a single thing that he enjoyed that came even close to the intensity of Osamu’s food.

While Suna was busy contemplating what meaning his life had, Osamu started to split his rice and vegetables in half. Suna was shaken from his thoughts when Osamu pushed a container with a portion of his lunch towards Suna’s side of the desk. “Here. Eat.” Suna stared at the food with a dumbfounded expression before looking up to study Osamu.

“This is your food.”

“Yeah.”

“That you made for yourself.”

“Yeah.”

“And you’re giving it to me.”

“Shut up and eat it already before I change my mind.”

Suna looks back down at the vegetables and rice. He feels a small smile appear on his face as he recalls all the times Osamu had refused to give up any food, even going as far as physically fighting his twin over a pack of rice crackers. And here he was giving some away to Suna as if it was nothing at all. Even more so, Osamu was offering Suna his food. 

If Osamu’s passion was food, then sharing it was his way of caring. The small act that might mean nothing if it was anyone else, meant the world to Suna because it came from Osamu. Suna couldn’t remember the last time he felt so touched by the actions of someone else.

“Thank you,” Suna whispered before starting to eat. Osamu simply hummed in response and they continued on in comfortable silence.

~

Looking back, Suna realizes that this was his “oh” moment. The moment when his feelings for Osamu shifted from platonic to romantic. Now Suna wanted to spend every waking moment with Osamu, doing everything in his power to see the other happy.

Suna entertained the thought of being in a relationship with Osamu. He thought they would make a pretty nice couple. They already got along so well as friends, so wouldn’t they do even better as boyfriends?

“But what if Osamu doesn’t see you in the same way” a voice in the back of his mind murmured “What if this is all one-sided”

But when Suna thinks of Osamu, he thinks of a relaxed boy with gray hair and serene eyes. He thinks of silently laughing together during water breaks. He thinks of a shared lunch on a windy October afternoon. 

Suna knows that no matter what, his friendship with Osamu is solid. Solid enough to be able to withstand a rejected confession.

He thinks.

He’s pretty sure.

He hopes.

No, he decides. He can do this, if not for himself, then at the very least, he can do this for Osamu. Suna glances over to where Osamu is now and finds the boy struggling to stay awake. He shouldn’t find it nearly as endearing as he does, but he supposes that all the rules were thrown out the window when it came to Osamu.

For the rest of class, Suna occupies his mind with drafting a confession for Osamu. First, he would start by explaining how Osamu was his closest friend, and how no matter what nothing will change that. Next, he would transition into saying how recently his feelings had transformed into something that was no longer just platonic. Finally, Suna would end his speech by saying that he wanted to be Osamu’s boyfriend and officially asking him out on a date.

In his mind, Suna had the perfect plan with the perfect opportunity to put it into action when they were walking home alone together later that afternoon. However, it might have helped Suna had he practiced his confession at least once aloud prior to the real thing.

“I like you”

Wait. Suna had not meant to start with that. No that was supposed to be the transition from the second part to the third part of his confession. But when he looked at Osamu, his mind went blank except for the thought ‘I like you.’ And of course, that had to be the thing he blurts out. Well, there was no going back now.

“What I mean is that we’re good friends. I hope so. I see you as my best friend but like if you just see me as an acquaintance that’s fine too, I guess.” Suna could feel his face burning as he stared only at the ground. He wanted nothing more than to sink into the Earth to never be seen again.

“Personally I would like to be your boyfriend but if you don’t want that then that’s fine. We can just stay as best friends, or acquaintances if that’s all that we actually are. Or you can never speak to me again, I’ll understand.” Just as Suna thought ‘there’s no way I could mess this up even more’ his big fat mouth surprised him. Honestly, if Osamu did decide to never speak to him again after this train wreck of a confession, Suna would 100% support him.

“Wait, you like me?” Suna whipped his head up to look at Osamu, who had finally broken his silence. Osamu was looking at Suna with a confused expression like he was trying to catch up with everything Suna just threw at him. “You like me...in a romantic way?”

There was no point in denying it now. “Yeah I do,” Suna said, finally admitting defeat and accepting that this confession was a failure. At the very least, he wanted to know how Osamu felt about him before he crawled into his bed and never came out again. If he was going down, might as well crash and burn, right?

“So uh, do you like me back?”

Osamu’s eyes widened as he pauses to think for a second and Suna prepares for the worst. He debated if he was fast enough to get away from this humiliating experience if he just started sprinting now. Probably not, he supposes this is the price to pay for constantly slacking during practice. Before Suna can devise another escape route, Osamu delivers his verdict.

“I like ya too. Well, at least I’m pretty sure I do.”

Oh.

Oh! Osamu actually likes him back, so at least something good came from this catastrophe. Suna actually managed to get a boyfriend. He feels an uncontrollable smile fill his face as he grabs Osamu’s hand before continuing walking.

He still had a dazed look on his face by the time they reached Suna’s front door. But all the excitement of the afternoon had left Suna with unprecedented energy and courage. He took advantage of Osamu’s distracted state to lean forward and press his lips to the other’s cheek. The kiss happened so fast that if you blinked you would have missed it, but the deep blush on Suna’s cheek was evidence enough for Osamu that it really happened.

“See you tomorrow, Osamu!”

“Yeah see you tomorrow…” And with that Osamu turned around and started to head home. As he walked farther up the street, Suna admired his boyfriend’s ability to keep his composure despite everything that had happened in the past 20 minutes.


	2. Spring

Osamu doesn’t like spring. Spring is when his allergies start acting up. Spring is when the volleyball season has ended so he has no excuse for not spending his afternoons preparing for upcoming exams. Spring is when he has to think about what he’ll do with his future in a year when he graduates.

And spring is also when he realizes that something isn’t right in his relationship with Rintarou. Every day he feels the divide between the two of them grow larger, and he doesn’t know how to even begin to fix it. Even worse, Rintarou has no idea that there’s any problem at all. So maybe spring is much worse than Osamu could have ever imagined.

It wasn’t always like this. When they first started dating, it was like nothing had changed between them, which was a time Osamu cherished. The only difference was that they talked more and spent more time together just the two of them. And who wouldn’t love getting closer with their best friend?

But Rintarou didn’t want to be best friends. He wanted to hold hands, go out on dates, and kiss, and so they did. It was always Rin initiating those couple-y things, not because Osamu hated doing those things but because the thought of doing it never crossed his mind. Osamu was indifferent to all the ways Rintarou showed affection and figured with time he would get more used to it. But should he really feel indifferent about his relationship?

Looking back, it was obvious that Osamu’s feelings for Rintarou hadn’t changed since the day of the confession. Surely by now, he would be able to say he likes Rin in the same way Rin likes him. But he couldn’t. There was just something inside of him that prevented his platonic feelings from developing into romantic ones. 

Maybe it was just a small aspect of their relationship that could be fixed, and then everything could be perfect. But what about the relationship wasn’t perfect already. Rin left sweet little notes sometimes with a funny doodle on his desk every morning. He always shared his snacks with Osamu, even if it was his favorite chuppet flavor. And he linked their pinkies together when they walked home every afternoon.

Maybe it wasn’t an issue with the relationship but a problem with Rintarou. It was possible that he just wasn’t Osamu’s type. But Rin was his best friend who hummed along to music while they studied. Rin made funny jokes at the expense of everyone but Osamu. Rin was his favorite person who he loved, just in a platonic way.

So if it wasn’t Rintarou who was the problem, then that meant it had to be Osamu. Something inside Osamu’s brain must be broken, if he wasn’t able to return the affections of the perfect guy. Or maybe it wasn’t something broken in his brain, but rather his heart. It made sense, Osamu had never liked someone before, but he just told himself that he was waited for the right person. But now he had the perfect guy and at the right time and still, nothing. 

Maybe Osamu was just destined to be alone forever. Everyone important to him would eventually leave him as they all went on with their lives and got sick of him. Atsumu was already destined to go on to the V.League and the Olympics, while Osamu didn’t even have a plan for his future. It would only make sense that he would have to let Rintarou go instead of allowing himself to be happy with him. 

~

Three days after his realization, Osamu finds himself in Rin’s living room attempting to study. He wasn’t really trying to study and neither was Rin but it was easier to appear like he was instead of sharing what he was actually thinking about. His boyfriend on the other hand wasn’t even trying to pretend like he was getting work done, rather he was poking Osamu’s arm with his pen, begging for some attention.

‘Well, I might as well get this over with’ Osamu thought as he finally looked up to meet Rin’s eyes ‘It’s only fair that he knows and then he can be happy with someone who actually likes him back.’

“Do ya still like me?” Shit, that came out much more serious than Osamu had wanted. Well at least he wouldn’t be beating around the bush and they could get this over with as quickly as possible. But looking at Suna’s concerned face, he realized that the question was a bad place to start.

“Of course I still like you, you’re everything to me.” Oh. well that just made things a lot harder. Maybe if he knew that Rin didn’t like him as much as he appeared, then it would have made this a lot easier. He should have known that the only fraud in this relationship was himself.

It seemed like the universe just wanted to make this as difficult as possible, seeing as Rin interpreted his question as a feeling of insecurity in Rintarou’s affections for him. Osamu saw the hurt flash in the other’s eyes as he pulled his hand away from Rin’s comforting grasp. And still he kept showing undeserved kindness to Osamu. “What’s wrong?”

What’s wrong? What’s wrong is that they’re about to break up and Osamu still can’t find a good reason for it. What was he supposed to say? ‘Sorry I lied to you for months about the very basis of our relationship because I thought I could like you but turns out I can’t.’ There was no way out of this without hurting his best friend.

“I’m sorry.” Ok maybe not the best way to start seeing as Rin’s face just shifted from worried to panicked. Why couldn’t he just do one thing right, even if that thing was destroy one of the most important relationships in Osamu’s life?

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think I like ya in the same way that ya like me.” Osamu looked away before he could see Rin’s reaction. He knew that there was no way for this to go over well, but it would be best if he didn’t have to see Rintaou’s realization that he was dating a terrible person.

But when the silence stretched on for longer than Osamu could tell, he finally broke and glanced up only to find silent tears streaming down Rin’s face as he stared at him in shock and anguish.

“I’m sorry, I never should have accepted yer confession. I was just confused and thought that I could probably have feelings for ya eventually. It was a terrible thing to do, I’m sorry. I just don’t think I can have feelings for anyone. I know I’ve ruined our friendship, but I’ll do anything to fix it. I’m so sorry I let this get out of control, but I just didn’t know what to do-”

“STOP! STOP APOLOGIZING IT JUST MAKES IT WORSE!”

Rin’s face was red and splotchy from all the crying, and Osamu had to stop himself from apologizing again. He knew that he was the cause of his best friend’s agony, and that thought alone brought tears to his eyes. No he doesn’t have the right to cry, not when he’s the cause to all their problems.

“When did it all change?” 

Osamu was surprised that Rintarou hadn’t kicked him out yet, but he knew it wouldn’t be long after he answered the question. But Rin deserved an honest answer after all the lies Osamu had been telling him these past few months. “Technically it never did. I’ve liked ya in the same way I have ever since we became friends. I thought if I told myself that I liked ya in a romantic way for long enough, it would eventually become true...But it never did.”

He couldn’t bare to see Rin’s face, but he heard Rin choke in between sobs and knew that this was it. He would be hated forever by his best friend, and Osamu absolutely deserved every bit of it. Maybe now would be time to leave because there’s no way that his presence was doing any good.

“You know I loved you. I was waiting for the right moment to tell you, but I have for a while now. And I thought you did too, but it turns out I was completely wrong about you.”

There was no holding back on crying anymore. Osamu had no idea that Rin felt that strongly about him. But honestly, he should have seen it coming because Rin was a normal person who wasn’t broken inside. Maybe Rin would understand if he could just explain that.

“If I could love anyone, I would love ya, but I just can’t and I’m sorry.”

His attempt at comforting fails, as Rintarou starts a new wave of sobbing even louder than before. Osamu tries to at least wrap his arms around the emotionally ruined boy in front of him, but is in return pushed away.

There’s no longer any point in Osamu being there anymore because all he can do apparently is hurt those who he cares about. Walking home, he tries at least to silence the cries that escape him.

**Author's Note:**

> If you wanna yell with me about aroace Osamu my twitter is @tiredsuna


End file.
